Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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