Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
