I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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