you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
