she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
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He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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