Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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