I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
