I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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