I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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