Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
