I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
