i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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