are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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