3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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