What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I need to stop coming to work sober
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
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The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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