I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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