why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
