Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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