i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
