so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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