Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
