my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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