So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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