Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
