She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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