i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
