Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i black out too much to be "responsible"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
