Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
