do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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