My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
