I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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