I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
