I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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