she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
