Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just invented taco cereal.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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