dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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