foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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