The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
