Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I intend to get homeless drunk
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
