Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize