I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
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I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
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and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
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So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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