That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
zippers are such a cool invention
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
