For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
