Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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