just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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