You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
