he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So. Much. Porn.
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