one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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