Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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