Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
