I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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