so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
