I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
