You're my little dorito
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
