Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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