he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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