lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
