im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
