you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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