I wanna bring you to show and tell
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
