come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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