I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
