I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
