O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
