He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
