You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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