Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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