made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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