I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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