After last night, I could never be a politician.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
