we have officially lost it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I enjoy the company of your penis
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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