Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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