That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
